hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Randomize
