I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize