I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize