my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
