My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
