porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize