That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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