we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
