I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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