Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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