He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
