He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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