I wanna passion pit in your ass
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
