I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
