Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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