I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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