fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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