Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
