Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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