the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize