her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
