i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
