Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
