What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
