i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
