I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
