Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wish my penis had a tongue
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
