Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
