Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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