I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize