i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize