I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
