I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
