Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
