Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
