bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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