birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize