u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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