...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
