i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
