I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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