I smell stomach acid.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
