I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
