i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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