Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize