I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
