what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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