dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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