I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
