i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
