My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
