I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
