Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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