I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
