speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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