He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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