Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
