What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
