It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
