if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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