I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
