he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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