we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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