The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
