he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
