Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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