I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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