he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
