I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
