I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
