you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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