Umm I'm too high to move.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
