My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
