Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
