Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I would fuck him just for his dog
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