Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize