Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
