theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
