so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
