p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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