Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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