I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
