At least make sure they are 18
Why
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
