I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
