The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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