I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
