capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
