You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
