Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
